Reach Fitness UK Group

What makes the difference between success and failure?

This unnamed model defines two strategies for coping with failure.  I am not particularly keen on the labels for types of coping strategy (emotionally & problem oriented) as emotional and cognitive processes are often intertwined (see the CBT process Model).  But the model itself is one of the best and most important models for anyone involved in personal development.

CBT Process Model

Strategy 1: Emotionally Oriented
People who adopt these strategies usually have an external locus of control.

* The goal of a person who uses an emotionally oriented strategy is to remove the feeling of failure as quickly as possible.  The feeling of being a failure is a bigger cause of concern that the level of performance which defines the failure.  Therefore they try to eradicate the feeling by blaming others and denying the failure.  Rationalisation is also another common way to explain the perceived failure.  The words “yeah but” are a classic sign of rationalisation.  This leaves them stuck in stage 1 of the conscious competence model.

* One way to rationalise is to deny that there has been a failure – thus it is impossible to learn, adapt and improve.  The chance to improve is lost and they continue making the same mistakes continually. Therefore confidence remains low and the cycle of failure continues.  Emotionally oriented people are unable to acknowledge that they are not performing to their maximum potential and are terrified of the word failure.  They adopt the “I am what I am” response and look to other similarly poorly performing role models to reinforce them.  These people under-perform constantly.

Strategy 2: Problem Oriented
Problem oriented strategies involve accepting, evaluating and tacking the problem or failure.  They typically involve metacognition and system 2 thinking.  A person who uses an emotionally oriented strategy usually has a strong internal locus of control and a high level of emotional intelligence.

* The goal is to identify the problem and improve so that failure is only a temporary setback.  In contrast to emotionally oriented people, a problem oriented person is more concerned with the actions which caused the failure than the label of failure itself.  They are aware that actions, not words are the ultimate display of success.  Consequently, instead of rationalising or denying the problem, they address the issue and try to improve.  The world’s top sports stars, scientists, politicians, business people, mothers, teachers etc are usually problem oriented and they have perfected working on their weaknesses.  While others deny their weaknesses and pretend they are perfect, problem oriented people are constantly improving, thinking, learning and becoming the peak performers we hear about.

* Problem oriented people usually address failure directly.  This can draw them in to conflict with emotionally oriented people who don’t want to admit the failure.

* Problem oriented strategies include tactics such as problem solving, planning, seeking information, evaluating, brainstorming.

So, when things go wrong, whether it’s fitness related or in any other area, try looking at factors you can control, instead of deflecting the blame via factors that you can’t. Don’t beat yourself up, just be logical instead of excessively emotional.

Danny Sroda is owner and Lead Trainer at Reach Corporate Fitness for Business.

This is a funny story which may or may not be true.

In around 1916, during the First World War, the German Army High Command was short of officers so they issued a statement to their troops.

The statement read:

The German high command has always recognised four characteristics that are inherent in our officers. They are either intelligent or stupid, energetic or idle.

It has been the policy of the high command only to promote those officers who are intelligent and energetic. This is to ensure that the correct plans are put in to effect with the requisite energy and enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, for some time, it has been necessary to promote officers who are intelligent but idle. But at least we can be reasonably confident that sensible plans will be put in to effect…when the officers eventually get round to it.

Regrettably, it is now necessary to promote to promote the third category of officer, those who are stupid and idle. But, we hope, at least, that their indolence will, to some extent, nullify the ill effects of their stupidity.

Under no circumstances that we can envisage, are the forth category of officer to be promoted as there is nothing more dangerous than somebody who is stupid and energetically puts their stupid plans in to effect.

I love this story! It reminds me of a quote by Jim Rohn, which goes something like: “Life change starts with education not motivation. If someone’s an idiot and you motivate them, you’ve got a motivated idiot!”

Danny Sroda is owner and Lead Trainer at Reach Corporate Fitness for Business.

Cognitive Dissonance (Festinger, 1957) is a theory which explains the feeling which can occur when two opposing opinions or beliefs are held simultaneously.  For example, if you need to work with a computer to make your living, but your PC is running slowly then you may consider doing a scan disc/defrag etc.  But this means that you can’t add any value and will be waiting while the essential maintenance is carried out.  So what do you do?  You have a goal to meet, taking time away from your work task will mean missing short term targets, but if you do the maintenance your productivity will increase.  Productivity or maintenance,  long term or short term?  Your brain starts to fry.  What should you do?  Is the maintenance an excuse to slack off?  Is working through with a slow PC just pig headed?  This is cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance also explains why people fail to change and become stagnated in their thinking.  When a firmly held belief is challenged with new facts or information, the uncomfortable feeling caused by cognitive dissonance is often such that the first instinct is to get rid of the pain by rationalising, or reframing to maintain the old belief.

Duel Process Thinking

It has been argued that there are 2 types of thinking

System 1: Automatic, fast, subconscious

System 2: Slow, reasons, contemplative, rational, meta-cognitive

System 1 thinking is what people do most of the time.  People just do, rather than think…then do.  In contrast, system 2 is what most people revert to in the face of difficulty or unfamiliar tasks.  For example, you go to Ikea and buy a flat pack bedside table.  You carry it upstairs and open the box – all using system 1 thinking.  Then you get the instructions, look at them, have a slurp of tea, scratch your head – and the system 2 thinking starts to kick in.  In order to get your head round the unfamiliar task of putting together the table, you need to THINK!!  Of course, your system 1 thinking is still running in the background.  While you study the instructions (system 2), you take a slurp of tea without thinking (system 1) and move around the room (system 1).  This duel system is running parallel all the time, with each system dominating as dictated by the situation.

However, once the brain is familiar with a task the need for system 2 is diminished.  For example, if you had to build 1000 of these tables, by the time you had done 10 you would be doing it slightly more automatically, more so with 100 500 900 etc.  As was noted earlier, system 2 thinking is slower than system 1 so speed of construction should increase as the brain reverts from predominantly system 2 to system 1.  The learning curve evens out and speed of “production” increases.  Another well used example is learning to drive.  When you have your first few lessons, you have to consciously THINK about changing gear, operating the peddles and get the correct speed around corners to avoid coasting (system 2).  Two years later when you have been driving every day, you have reverted to system 1 and you can smoke, talk, listen to the radio, wind the window down and stick your middle finger up while you call the person in front some particularly pleasant name – all without thinking or even knowing that you’ve changed gears / accelerated / braked / indicated several times.

So, how does this relate to personal development?  Well, people use system 2 thinking in all areas of life, such as learning to drive and assembling furniture, but often the neglect the one area where system 2 thinking is needed – their lives.  Why?  The first reason is that using system 2 thinking unusually requires a conscious or subconscious admission to ourselves that we are having difficulty, or are not getting the results we want.  To most people, admitting that things are going the way they want, or that their life is not as they want it to be, is too difficult and causes too much pain – more pain than living with a life that is less than fulfilling.  So they rationalise and pretend everything is ok and look for something else to blame (see: emotionally oriented strategy) and carry on with the system 1 thinking and wondering why they are always stressed, depressed and unhappy.

Another reason is that people often don’t see that they are unhappy with their life.  They see the little things and pick up on those.  The problem is that the little things are the symptoms, not the cause of the problem.  It’s like complaining about all the water and mopping it up all the time, but not fixing the leak.  if everyone else is mopping, then they will mop as well, it’s social proof – the sheep effect.  This said, it should be noted that success does not only come from system 2 thinking.  Some people are highly successful through predominantly use system 1 thinking.  Why?  Simply, because what they are think and how they think works!  So they don’t need to slow down and ponder.  It’s usually only in times of trouble that we really THINK!.  That’s why the saying goes that we learn more from failure than success – because we THINK! more.  But, as I said earlier, most people will rationalise themselves in to a perpetual state of unconscious-incompetence in their lives – simply because they don’t want to admit that their life is not working as they want.  They lower their expectations to match their level of performance, instead of raising their level of performance to meet their expectations.

So, here are three steps to using system 2 thinking to reach your potential and create a better life:

Step 1, Be honest with yourself – Is your life working the way you want it to?  How do you want it to be?  Identify areas you’d like to improve.

Step 2, Identify why those areas are not working they way you want it to.  Focus on you, NOT other people!  Don’t apportion blame, not even to yourself.

Step 3, Create a plan to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

Further reading
When Not to Trust Your Gut by Max Bazerman

Thinking Fast & Slow by Daniel Kahneman

The Ten-Day Mental Challenge is a fantastic way to snap out of negative thinking or to take your positive thinking to a new level!

Rule 1. In the next ten consecutive days, refuse to dwell on any unresourceful thoughts or feelings. Refuse to indulge in any disempowering questions or devitalizing vocabulary or metaphors.

Rule 2. When you catch yourself beginning to focus on the negative-and you certainly will-you are to immediately use the techniques you’ve learned to redirect your focus toward a better emotional state. Specifically, use the Problem-Solving Questions as your first line of attack; for example: “What’s great about this? What’s not perfect yet?” Remember, by asking a question like, “What’s not perfect yet?”, you’re presupposing that things will be perfect. This will change your state. It doesn’t ignore the problem, but it keeps you in the right state while you identify what needs to be changed.

In addition, set yourself up for success each morning for the next ten days by asking yourself the Morning Power Questions. You can do them before you get out of bed or while you’re in the shower, but make sure you do them right away. This will focus you in the direction of establishing empowering mental and emotional patterns each day as you awake. In the evening, use the Evening Power Questions, or any questions you believe will put you in a great state before you drop off to sleep.

Rule 3. For the next ten consecutive days, make certain that your whole focus in life is on solutions and not on problems. The minute you see a possible challenge, immediately focus on what the solution could be.

Rule 4. If you backslide-that is, if you catch yourself indulging in or dwelling on an unresourceful thought or feeling-don’t beat yourself up. There’s no problem with this as long as you change immediately. However, if you continue to dwell on unresourceful thoughts or feelings for any measurable length of time, you must wait until the following morning and start the ten days over. The goal of this program is ten consecutive days without holding or dwelling on a negative thought. This starting-over process must happen no matter how many days in a row you’ve already accomplished the task.

I’ve taken this information from page 314. But there’s more information on 315 and 317 that I want to include.

pg. 315-You may ask, “How long can I focus on the negative before it’s considered “dwelling?” To me, one minute of continual focus on, and emotional attachment to, what’s wrong is dwelling. One minute is more than enough time for us to be able to catch ourselves and create a change. Our whole goal is to catch the monster while it’s little. Certainly, within twenty to forty seconds you know if you’re being negative about something.

If I were you, though, I’d give myself up to a maximum of two minutes to notice the challenge and begin to change your state. Two minutes is certainly enough time to identify that you’re in a negative state. Break the pattern. If you allow yourself to go as long as five minutes or more, you’ll find the Mental Challenge won’t accomplish it’s task; instead you’ll just learn to vent your emotions more quickly. The goal is to knock things out before you ever get in a negative emotional state in the first place.

(That’s the author talking not me).

pg. 317-Believe me, the power inherent in this little exercise is amazing. If you stick with it, it will do four things for you. First, it will make you acutely aware of all the habitual patterns that hold you back. Second, it will make your brain search empowering alternatives to them. Third, it will give you an incredible jolt of confidence as you see that you can turn your life around. Fourth, and most importantly, it will create new habits, new standards, and new expectations that will help you expand more than you could ever believe.

Sigh…my fingers and my back are hurting from all this typing but I think I’ll include the power questions in case your interested.

pg. 195. Our life experience is based on what we focus on. The following questions are designed to cause you to experience more happiness, excitement, pride, gratitude, joy, commitment, and love every day of your life. Remember, quality questions create a quality life. Come up with two or three answers to all of these questions and feel fully associated. If you have difficulty discovering an answer simply add the world “could.” Example: “What could I be most happy about in my life now?”

The Morning Power Questions

1. What am I happy about in my life now?
What about that makes me happy? How does that make me feel?

2. What am I excited about in my life now?
What about that makes me excited? How does that make me feel?

3. What am I proud about in my life now?
What about that makes me proud? How does that make me feel?

4. What am I grateful about in my life now?
What about that makes me grateful? How does that make me feel?

5. What am I enjoying most in my life now?
What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel?

6. What am I committed to in my life now?
What about that makes me committed? How does that make me feel?

7. Who do I love? Who loves me?
What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?

In the evening, sometimes I ask the Morning Questions, and sometimes I ask an additional three questions. Here they are:

The Evening Power Questions

1. What have I given today?
In what ways have I been a giver today?

2. What did I learn today?

3. How has today added to the quality of my life or how can I use today as an investment in my future?
Repeat the Morning Questions (optional).

If you would like more tips, I recommend that you take this book out at your library. It’s over 500 pages long and has easy to implement tips that make your life happier and more effective.

Danny Sroda is owner and Lead Trainer at Reach Corporate Fitness for Business.

The conscious competence model is a key part of personal development because it shows the stages that are potential traps for us. There are four stages, but it is the first two stages which tend to be banana skins for most people’s personal development.

Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence
This is the first of the stumbling blocks. A lot of people never even realise which areas they are weak in. They never sit down and actually think about how they can improve. These are the areas which fit in to Johari Window 2 – “Weaknesses which others can see, but to which I am blind” – and Johari window 4 – “Weaknesses which are unknown to others and to me”. One way to get from stage 1 (unconscious Incompetence) to stage 2 (conscious incompetence) is to employ some serious system 2 thinking and metacognition. A personal development plan or personal SWOT analysis can help to identify areas of weakness.

Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence
If it is forgivable to be stuck in stage 1, simply because we often don’t realise that we are incompetent, then stage 2 is where we have to make a choice. Do I want to be the person I am capable of becoming, or not? Conscious incompetence is such a dangerous stage because it’s your choice whether your not to move from conscious incompetence to stage 3 – conscious competence. The big problem is that many people don’t like to admit that they have a weakness, they see it as a failure. Therefore, they adopt an emotionally oriented strategy of coping with failure and therefore rationalise in order to avoid admitting that there is an area in which they need improve. The tragedy is that this fear of looking like a failure means that they don’t deal with the weaknesses that EVERYBODY has. Consequently, these weaknesses never improve, so failure and fear of appearing to be a failure becomes a vicious circle. Fear of looking like a failure means they look like a failure! The only way to beat this need to rationalise is to be honest with ourselves. There is no shame in having a weakness, EVERYONE has some weaknesses. The difference between peak performers and underperformers is that they are honest about their shortcomings and work to improve them  – they constantly identify and work on these areas and  move from stage 2, to stage 3 – conscious competence.

Stage 3: Conscious Competence
One you have identified your weakness and have worked to improve it, you will move into stage 3 – conscious competence. You can do something and you know you can do it. At first, it will be a conscious process, like when you first learn to drive and you have to think about changing gear etc. (this is system 2 thinking). Eventually, as you become more competent, you will start to do things automatically and it will become part of who you are so you won’t actually think about the fact that you can do something – you just do it naturally, without really giving it a second thought. You have moved to stage 4 – unconscious competence.

Stage 4: Unconscious Competence
This is the stage of true skill. You are now working on system 1 thinking – instinctive and often indescribable (see also tacit knowledge). You don’t think about how you do something, you just do it. You are in a particular state and it just flows naturally. This is how the best sportsmen operate when they play their best – they are “In the Zone”. They don’t think about what they are doing, thinking too much can actually decrease performance. However, if they go through a period of bad form, they move back to system 2 thinking and conscious incompetence and work on their game until they improve. This is similar to the Lewin’s unfreeze-change-refreeze model of change. The fact that top performers in sport and business can move back and forth through the stages of competence is a contributing factor in their success. They do what unsuccessful people rarely do – face the problem head on; candidly, logically and strategically. Their goal is to feel better by improvement, rather than to feel better by denial.

So, if you want to get to the top of your game, whether that’s being a great mother, father, friend, businessmen, employee, sportsmen or whatever. Look for areas in which you need to improve, but don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t deny them either. Be honest, find ways to improve and apply what you learn – you’ll be amazed how quickly you move through stages 1 to 4 and your life will become more fulfilling as you become happier and reach your potential.

Danny Sroda is owner and Lead Trainer at Reach Corporate Fitness for Business.